


Unsteady

by acciocrazychick



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abuse, F/M, Torture, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-24
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:07:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26623399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acciocrazychick/pseuds/acciocrazychick
Summary: Tonks had convinced him that he was not too old, too poor and too dangerous for her before he went on his solo mission. However, unlike canon Remus, he does not volunteer for reckless, dangerous missions. Dumbledore address’ they are loosing the war. He is voluntold to go underground to persuade the werewolf’s to join the anti-Voldemort movement.This is the aftermath of what happens.TW: abuse, torture, anxiety, depression, PTSD (I will add any other TW if any come up.)
Relationships: Andromeda Black Tonks/Ted Tonks, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 4
Kudos: 25





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm gonna be honest here, this came to me last week when I was not doing too hot. Started off as word vomit and made its way to this.

“Ted where are we?” Andromeda asks with concern lacing her face as she grips her wand tightly in her jacket while holding her husband's hand with her other. 

“Dora told us to meet her here,” Ted answers not as confidently as he was hoping. He wasn’t entirely sure where they were either. They had apparated into the small village and walked the rest of the way to the cottage in the distance. Their daughter had asked them to meet her there the last time that they spoke. Walking towards the only cottage, they saw a figure walk towards them. 

“Mum, Dad is that you?” they heard their daughter ask solemnly. Glancing up to the window as she asks. She did not sound like her usual bubbly self-putting her wand out, “What did Mum call me as a baby?” 

“Petal” both answer at the same time trying to figure out what is going on. Now both confused as ever. 

Tonks nods walking back towards the cottage and leads her parents inside. 

“Dora, did you move without letting us know?” Ted asks, walking into the threshold of the house, still holding his wife’s hand behind him. Unsure where they were or what they were doing here. 

“No…” Tonks answers honestly then turns around “kind of… yes. About a week ago” 

Looking around the house, Andromeda sees a weird sister’s jacket laying on the chair and a brown cardigan with elbow patches on another chair next to a small round table adjacent to the kitchen that had multiple different vials on the counter. From her experience, those were different healing and mending potions. Looking towards the sitting room, she notices a bit of her daughter spread out. Her boots were thrown haphazardly on the floor, there was a fire roaring in the fireplace. She also notices well-worn shoes by the back door unless her daughter was morphing her feet into a size 12 men’s shoe, someone else was here. 

A loud timer goes off to Tonks right on the table, her eyes move to the intruding alarm, and she points her wand to it to turn it off. Silently she goes and grabs the blue and green vials from the counter before walking up the stairs, not looking back, she responds, “I will be back” 

“Ted, there is someone else here” Andromeda whispers back to her husband as they are still standing in the kitchen. Noticing on the table a few items, a necklace, a pocket watch, two pieces of torn parchment, and a beautiful ring, with an emerald and diamond cluster. 

“Dora is an adult” Ted reminds his wife not letting his confusion seep through his facial features. She normally would tell her parents if she was moving. It seemed a spur of the movement thing. Ted could tell by the concern on his wife’s face that something must have happened. 

“If she did move. Why did she not tell us?” Andromeda asks, still clutching her wand as they see their daughter climb back down the stairs. “You do not think that could be…” her voice trailing off. Andromeda glances at Ted wondering if her daughter is now in the same predicament as she and Ted were in almost twenty-five years ago. 

Ted glances at his wife, shrugging his shoulders, this was not like their daughter to go upstairs then return with swollen red eyes. She had been crying, his daughter crying was never a good sign. “I am sorry, have a seat.” Tonks pipes up offering them a seat in the immaculate sitting room near the still roaring fireplace. Walking back towards the kitchen, Tonks suggests “let me get you some tea” Silently and again unlike Tonks she points her wand at the teapot and tea becomes available to the two sitting adults. 

“Nymphadora, what is going on?” Andromeda finally blurts out. Andromeda never had much patience when it came to questions.It must have been a Black family trait. “Why did you move out of your flat in the city?” 

Tonks sits down across from her parents as they eagerly look towards her as she sips her tea “This is a colleague’s house” 

Tonks had not told them about her relationship with Remus. It was too new in the beginning, then it never seemed to be the right time with her working at the Ministry and then Order patrols. She had missed more and more dinners with them as her schedule became busier and busier. Now it seemed it was unavoidable. Everything seemed unavoidable now. 

“I thought you could not stand your colleagues’ other than Moody” Andromeda takes another drink of her tea with a quizzical expression on her face. “This is not a dark enough hole of a place for Moody to be living.” Normally that would have made her daughter chuckle or even crack a smile, however, she just looks concerned, 

“Not a ministry colleague. “ Glancing towards the stairs again, Tonks replies with a small smile “An Order colleague.” 

Andromeda and Ted had heard about the Order of the Phoenix during the first wizarding war. They were offered protection by Dumbledore’s secret society many times when Andromeda’s side of the family came lurking. However, Andromeda knew how to protect her family, she had grown up learning all the dark spells that her family had taught her. After she had eloped with Ted, she had learned all of the counter curses as well. Ultimately, she always denied protection. “What do you mean the Order?” 

Tonks had also never gotten around to tell them that she had joined a secret society. Dumbledore and Moody had given her permission to tell them. Just like her relationship with Remus, never seemed like the right time. Now it was all crashing down and she was trying to keep her head above water. 

All of a sudden there was a crack heard from outside. Tonks hurries to the door making a motion for her parents to stay put as she calls through the door “Announce yourself?” 

“Alastor Moody checking on you” the gruff voice behind the still closed door answers. Tonks opens the door to reveal Moody pointing his wand at her “What did Dumbledore tell you and me at the last meeting?” 

“Remus has a good heart. He just needs reminding.” Tonks answers as he lowers his wand, but she does not. She knew that Remus had a good heart and she did not need reminding, especially of all people, Dumbledore. “What was my Patronus? 

“Was a jackrabbit, now it is a wolf” Moody answers only now noticing Andromeda and Ted sitting in the living room a little shocked by his presence. Alastor Moody had only once come to their door, he wanted to hand-deliver Tonks Auror assessment results and tell them that she would make a fine good Auror based on her results. “Where is he? I need to take his report.” 

“Upstairs sleeping. I do not think he wants to be disturbed. He did not take too kindly to me making him take his healing potions.” 

“He can get his beauty sleep after he gives his report to me” Moody answers. She knew she should not argue with him. It was Order protocol, she knew it but that did not mean she had to like it. She would not budge on this. 

Crossing her arms across her chest, “No, he is getting his rest. I can take his report.” 

“Lass, I know you care for Lupin but now is not the time for chivalry.” Moody begins but Tonks interrupts him, shaking her head, her hair turning red. 

“I said no. I am not making him relive that. Not until he is ready.” Biting her lip unsure if she should say this in front of her parents. Remus would hate her for it, “Remus has had nightmares since he came back from that hell-hole. You can report that to Dumbledore for all I care.”

“Remus? As in Remus Lupin?” Ted asks knowing Andromeda was wondering the same thing. “Always hung around James, Sirius, and that blonde boy, what was his name?” 

Tonks looks towards her father putting a strand of her now burgundy red hair behind her ear, “Yes, Sirius and James were his best friends. Peter was his name. Do not bring him up to Remus. It’s still a sore subject with him.”

“I think it’s a sore subject with everyone in the Order” Moody adds, now sitting down near the warm fire. 

Andromeda and Ted did not want to say what they were both thinking, however. He was a werewolf. Even though they had been in contact with Remus at Hogwarts. He was just entering his first year when Andromeda and Ted started dating in their fifth year. The only time they had interacted was when Sirius was around at school. Remus was always a quiet and kind boy. Always polite and Andromeda did not understand why he hung out with her cousin. However, every time she visited her cousin outside of school, he always talked about James and Remus. How Remus would plan the mischief they would get into and James and he would execute. She remembered for some reason they had a little nickname for their group.  _ What did they call themselves? _

Before Andromeda could add anything to the conversation, they heard screams of agony coming from upstairs. Moody looks towards Tonks who is biting her lip again and brushing her crossed arms, “Go to him, Lass. We will wait.” 

Running up the stairs, Tonks opens the door to reveal Remus thrashing on the bed. The blanket that was once pulled over him like a cocoon, is now haphazardly mingled in between his legs and arms. Sweat rolled down his forehead and his shirtless body was gleaming from the precipitation. The bandage around his chest is mixed with blood and sweat. Knowing his bandage will have to be changed soon, she slowly walks up to him grabbing his shoulder knowing if she cups his face he will react worse. “You are safe. You are not there anymore. I am here. ” 

She had made the mistake of cupping his face the first time he had a nightmare. He had unconsciously nipped at her hand thinking it was the person in his nightmare trying to force him. He never told her who he thought she was or what he was being forced to do in his nightmares. 

The thrashing of his arms and legs seem to subside as she runs her fingers on his arms. Not wanting to cause him to wake from his restless sleep, she gets up onto the bed and lies with him. 

Her mother cannot help but climb the stairs slowly to the room. Her curiosity got the best of her. She knows she shouldn’t but she needs to know what is happening. She needs to know why her daughter is doing this. By the time Andromeda enters the room. Her daughter has calmed her cousin’s best mate down and is brushing his sandy brown hair with her fingers. “You are not there anymore, Rem. You are here at your house with me. Everything will be okay.” 

Slowly he opens his tired eyes as his pupils adjust to the darkness “Dora?” 

He called her Dora, her mother thought leaning on the wall outside of the door. She always preferred people from work to call her Tonks. Nothing else. It occurred to her that maybe more than a coworker relationship was going on. 

“Yes, my love,” Tonks answers wistfully to him still stroking his hair staring out the window at the stars in the night sky.

“I am sorry for earlier” he admits regretfully cringing in pain trying to pull himself up a little to sit up. 

“Don’t apologize. Don’t sit up, you need to conserve your strength.” The metamorphmagus protests before admitting to him “Mad-Eye is here. He wants a report from you.” His eyes seem to glaze over as if he is back in some other world as Tonks can predict what’s going to happen, deciding that cupping his face is worth the risk. Putting both of her hands around his face she forces him to look at her, “It is okay. I told him no. That you needed your rest. I told him, I will take it when you are ready.” 

He looks at her trying his best to convey the appreciation he has for her and opens his mouth to speak. “I know, love. You do not need to say it.” 

Andromeda walks silently back down the stairs where Mad-Eye and her husband were discussing in hushed tones, “How long has this been going on?” 

“Not sure, I know at least till a few weeks before Remus left on his mission. They stopped being so discreet about it. Maybe a little too open about it the week after it was announced that he was leaving.” Mad-Eye grunts his magical eye trying to look between the two parents “I did not know you did not know. 

“What exactly happened?” Ted asks Moody to try his best to figure out all the facts that he knew. His daughter was in a relationship with a werewolf. It did not surprise him, however. He knew she could take care of herself. It was her getting hurt because protecting her boyfriend was his main concern. 

“He was tortured.” He hears a voice crack from behind him “He was tortured by Greyback and his cronies.” Ted turns around to see his daughter uncharacteristically slightly crying. “He should have never gone” 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is gonna be slow. Please do not give up on this story.

Moody looks with his good eye, at her trying to be understanding “We already discussed this. He had to go. There was no else who Dumbledore trusted that could infiltrate the werewolf camps.”

“It does not mean I have to like it.” Tonks exclaims pacing the living room attempting to morph the silent tears away rolling down her face, “You were not part of the extradition team. You did not see…”

“This is what I need in my report. We need to know how he was found. “ Moody begins trying his best to be able to get out the words. “We need to know who tortured him. We need to know how he was made.” 

“He can barely get up without any pain. What makes you think he will want to discuss this all.” Tonks bellows getting herself worked up, her hair turning a fire engine red 

“If I can not convince you, maybe Dumbledore can” Moody answers walking over to the fireplace to floo to talk to Dumbledore. 

“No, no. Dumbledore is not standing foot in this house. “ Tonks answers as Moody looks back at her realizing why she would not want Dumbledore in the house. 

“Lass, Dumbledore is not the reason why Lupin was tortured. You know that.” Moody whispers to her knowing how she must feel, taking some floo powder out of the bucket on the mantel. “I will be back.”

With a swish of blue fire, Moody is gone and Tonks crumbles to the floor, holding her face in her hands. Andromeda runs to embrace her daughter as Ted just sits covering his mouth. “It is alright, Nymphadora.”

“I don’t think it will be. He can't even get out of bed. Why are they making him relive this?” Tonks asks more to herself than anyone else. 

“Why did he have to go?” Ted asks, trying to wrap his brain around everything but not wanting to upset his already distressed daughter.

Coming out of her mother’s embrace, she crosses her legs, sitting on the floor, “Um, Voldemort is trying to recruit werewolves. We got intel from Kingsley that there was a specific camp that he was going to try to recruit in Scotland via Fenrir Greyback. Dumbledore wanted someone he could trust to figure out how they were recruiting. So who better than Remus.” 

“How about I make some more tea?” Andromeda interrupts, getting up and going to the kitchen with her wand out pointing to the teapot. Andromeda had a feeling that Greyback was the werewolf that turned Remus. 

“If I ever get a hold of Greyback…” Tonks continues as Ted looks at the rage in her eyes. 

“Good thing, you are on desk duty until further notice.” she hears a voice coming out of the fireplace. 

“What do you mean, until further notice?” Tonks retorts back. “I am fine.” 

“No, lass you are not. You were injured during the rescue mission.” Moody argues back pointing at her side. 

Andromeda turns to look at her daughter as Tonks glares at Moody, “what happened to you?” 

“It is just a little scratch. It’s nothing. I was checked out at Mungo’s, and they deemed it non-critical.” Tonks explains. She knew she was downplaying how serious it was, but she did not want her mother to worry. Her mother had enough to worry about as it was. 

“Non-critical, my arse.” Moody comments eyeing Tonks with his magical eye “I saw Kingsley’s report. You were bitten by one of them. You signed yourself out of St. Mungo’s just like Lupin did. You two are both peas in a pod.” 

“Bit? What does that mean?” Andromeda cries placing the teapot down with a bit more force than intended. 

“It was not the full moon.” she hears a voice coming from the stairs, Tonks looks up to see Remus standing on the last step with a haphazardly placed shirt on. “Other than a nasty scar, she will be fine.” 

Running towards him, she helps him walk towards the couch, looking up at him as she grabs a pillow “I told you they would react that way.” 

“They have every right to react that way, darling” Remus responds laying down on the couch as Tonks rolls her eyes, kissing his forehead.

“Rest, I imagine that took all your strength walking down those stairs.” Tonks adds fidgeting with the pillow that was behind Remus’ back, holding out a blanket “in case you get cold.”

“Mum, like Remus, said, I will be fine,” Tonks replies, walking across the kitchen to get two cups of tea. Andromeda mumbles something about how Remus did say didn’t she would be fine. 

However, Andromeda is unconvinced but also knows there is no use arguing with her daughter. Moody continues “I know you want to be out in the field but you will have to have an evaluation before you can go out in the field again.”

Tonks rolls her eyes and sarcastically replies “But it is fine if I go on Order patrols. Not like we are going to run into any Death Eaters or anything.” 

“It was not my call. It was Kingsley’s.” Moody retorts understanding that it did not make sense. “Dumbledore should be here soon.” 

Tonks shakes her head looking towards Remus, “It is going to be a long night.” 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I do not know why I enjoy writing flashback chapters but I do. I prefer to just have the reader go straight into the story and then tell pertinent information at a later time through flashbacks, haha Also, in the last chapter, I mentioned Scotland as the location of the werewolf camp. It is never said the exact location, so I have taken some liberties. Also, in my fanfic, I can create whatever I want.

**Late July 1996**

Sitting at her desk, trying to focus on anything but what was going on with the Order. “Fuck” Tonks mutters spilling her ink all over her unfinished report.

“Go home” Kingsley grunts, noticing the spill from across the room. He was sitting at his desk across the way from her glancing at her periodically.

“I have to finish this report” Tonks answers, magically cleaning up all of the ink spilled over her report.

“Nymphadora, do not make me tell you twice” Kingsley retorts, reminding her of her father. “I’ll finish your report.”

Tonks did not have to be told twice, grabbing her messenger bag, she makes her way to the lifts down the hall. She knew the magnitude of this meeting tonight. She was anxious but she was also very concerned about a specific werewolf. She knew Remus could take care of himself but what concerned her most of all, was that he would have no backup. No one partnered to have his back. It seemed so long ago but yet it was less than a year ago that she was recruited by Moody to join the Order. Plucked from the masses. Less than a year ago, she was introduced to Remus, who she was all but living with. She first suggested staying with him to prepare and take care of him after the full moon. It then became more commonplace for her to just stay over after work or after an order meeting.

Once she had gotten out of the Ministry building, she apparates to the back door of the blue cottage. Unlocking the door with her wand, she enters wondering if her boyfriend was asleep.

“Remus, you need your rest. You are going to be the central theme of the meeting tonight.” Tonks voices noticing Remus up and about in the kitchen washing the dishes by hand. Feeling his forehead “It’s been less than 24 hours since you transformed.”

“I needed to do something to get the meeting off my mind. I could not relax to even get any rest.” the werewolf replies defeatedly kissing her forehead. She wouldn’t tell him but he didn’t look good. She could tell by his walk towards the cupboards on the other side of the kitchen, that he was walking with a limp.

“I do not like it. I do not like you not having a partner to have your back.” Tonks utters for probably the tenth time in just twenty minutes.

“I know but anyone else will be killed before the night is even over,” Remus replies knowing nothing will convince her otherwise. He didn’t like the thought either. Going back, pleading with the pack to forgive him. Trying to get the others to accept him. The possibility of running into Greyback again. No, there was no way he was going to get any sleep before this meeting tonight.

Pursing her lips, crossing her arms and climbing up on the counter, “do you want to go out to eat or leech off of Molly, tonight?” 

“Both ideas are tempting but since I will not be able to do any leeching, as you call it, in the near future. I say we enjoy Molly’s hospitality.” Remus answers truthfully. He had not been assigned this specific camp during the first war but he knew the general rules of all of the camps. There were the basic three rules, the trifecta: obey the alpha, avoid detection, and find food whenever you can.

“Remus, I think we should come clean,” Tonks announces as if she’s not just talking to Remus.

“About what, Dora?” Remus chuckles wiping his hands off with a kitchen towel. Doing tasks by hand always seemed to calm his thoughts. Since he was a young boy, it seemed to work. He was not sure how it worked, it just seemed to.

“That I have a second head, Rem” Tonks sarcastically states rolling her eyes motioning between herself and Remus, “What do you think, tosser? Us”

“I did not even think of that” Remus admits shyly “To the Order, you mean?”

“If anything happens to you, I just do not want to tell everyone without you” she admits jumping off the counter and enveloping her arms around him. “I know that seems selfish of me.”

Closing his eyes as her arms embrace him, “I can’t promise nothing will happen but I can promise that I will make it back to you.”

“Remus, do not make promises you can not keep” he hears her muffled voice from his chest, then looking up at him, “I have a plan. I do not think you will like it but it is the only way I am letting you go.”

Remus hums, kissing her forehead and looking at his watch, “We should head over to the Burrow. Molly probably has everything cooked.”

\-------

Due to security reasons, Dumbledore had asked the Weasley’s if they would be so kind to host Order meetings for the time being until Grimmauld Place could be searched again.

“Wotcher, Kingsley” Tonks announces from behind him walking up hand in hand with Remus. “How is the Muggle Prime Minister doing?”

“Oblivious, even if Scrimgeour has talked to him at least twice” Knglsey responds, eyeing their grasped hands.

“Kingsley, dinner is all….” Molly calls out walking out to the garden. “Oh Remus, Tonks. I was not expecting you. The more the merrier though.”

Once inside, sitting at the magically extended table, Mad-Eye stands up “Seeing as Dumbledore is absent, I will be presiding in his place. Thank you Molly for the amazing meal. Other than this week’s assignments and Lupin’s announcement, there is not much to speak on.”

At his words, Tonk’s places a hand on his upper thigh as the werewolf announces, “Yes, I think it is best if we discuss this announcement after dinner.”

Everyone knew what the announcement would be, the resident werewolf would be going on a solo mission, per Dumbledore’s orders, to attempt to convince the werewolf pack to join the anti-Voldemort movement versus the Death Eater’s side. They all knew it was a long shot, however. During the first wizarding war, the werewolves chose the later, based on Ministry gossip they would do the same this time.

Tonks gives him a reassuring smile before popping a piece of roasted potato into her mouth with a fork. Based on all of the heads in the room, they did not care at the current moment who was being sent on what mission, it seemed all anyone was wondering about was how long Tonks and Remus had been an item.

The children were sitting near the end of the table and were arguing about which was the best Quidditch team. Tonks muttered something to Remus before Mundungus pipes up with “How long you two been an item?”

Tonks smirks glad the elephant in the room had been addressed “Do you want to tell them or should I?”

“Well, it depends on who you ask,” Remus responds chuckling, folding his napkin onto his lap. “If you ask Tonks here, it was the day after we staked out the Rosier’s house.”

“If you ask Remus, it was the day of the Order Christmas Party.” Tonks counters biting off her fork another potato.

It was only about a week’s difference in time. In all honesty, it didn’t matter if it was when they first kissed or when they both admitted they thought they should give this a try. All that mattered was they had each other.

“Alright, alright. Enough with the who liked who first. Back to business.” Moody interrupts “Lupin?”

“Of course” the werewolf starts “As most, if not all of you know because the Order is awful at keeping anything secret, I will be going to join my fellows for a time being. I will be unable to communicate with anyone throughout this time.” Looking around at the faces of the rest of the Order members, he finishes “I will have to integrate myself into their clan. I will leave in a week and a half.”

“Very well, Constant Vigilance” Mad-Eye grunts addressing the room again “I hear Tonks has a plan to get you out.”

Pulling out a piece of parchment from her jacket, “Arthur, Kingsley and I will be his extraction team. All Rem will have to do is write something on this piece of parchment. “ holding up the piece of parchment “It has been enchanted so only Arthur, myself or Kingsley can read it. The parchment also has a spell that works like a location device so we will know the location of the underground.”

“I do not want to know where you discovered this, do I?” Kingsley asks eyeing her with suspicion.

Tonks chuckles shaking her head.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> f you want to you can listen to "Lay By Me" by Ruben as that is what I listened to and inspired this chapter.

"Remus, would you like something to drink?" Andromeda asks, trying to diffuse the tension in the room.

Remus breaks his stare from the fire and just nods. Busying herself to get him some water, Dumbledore appears in the fireplace.

"May I come in?" Dumbledore asks before stepping out of the fireplace.

Tonks looks towards Remus and Remus nods, "of course." She knew how much Remus owed Dumbledore, so she did not blame him.

"May I sit and ask Andromeda for some tea?" Dumbledore continues clearly guiding the conversation.

Andromeda, already in the kitchen with Remus' water, takes the teacup and the teapot and sets it on the middle table in the living room. "Remus, water to get your strength back"

Glancing Tonks, "I know Nymphadora, you blame me for what happened to Remus. I blame myself for getting him into the situation." Dumbledore starts. "I only ask that Remus does not relive his trauma but that he tell his trauma. Even if it is to you and only to you. I can see how much he cares for you and based on what was found on him when he was discovered. I believe that he wants more" mentioning the table adjacent to the kitchen.

"By telling his trauma to anyone, he is reliving his trauma," Tonks answers, trying to ignore Dumbledore's last few comments. However, Dumbledore's words were hard to ignore.

"When he is ready of course" Dumbledore replies, taking a sip of his tea looking around the little cottage.

"Nymphadora, may we talk to you outside?" Andromeda asks getting up from where she had just sat down and motioned for Ted to come outside.

Tonks, clearly distracted by Dumbledore's words, notices her mother asking her a question and follows her outside.

Andromeda is not one to beat around the bush and asks "Why are we here?"

"I wanted to ask you if you check in on Remus while I am at work. I also need someone to take him to his medi-witch appointments. I know you are busy. That was one of the conditions for him to sign himself out. That he not miss them. " Tonks trails off not exactly sure how her parents would react to her request.

"Of course we will." Ted answers looking back towards the cottage "How bad is he?"

"He hides it well. Living with his condition, he is able to hide the pain." Tonks replies biting her lip "At night it's always the worst. I do not know how he is going to deal with the full moon in a week."

"He hasn't transformed since you found him" Andromeda states more to herself than to anyone else. Tonks shakes her head, not meeting her parents' eyes.

"It's not that I do not trust him. I do but I do not trust him to take care of himself. He always portrays the brave Gryffindor by pushing through the pain. I am afraid he will hurt himself and make things worse. When he sleeps, sometimes he sleeps all day. His body needs to recover both mentally and physically, so he'll need to be woken up to take his healing droughts. He does not always react the best when he is woken up. I have a feeling that he was woken up as soon as he closed his eyes as a form of torture. As soon as he closed his eyes, he would be woken up. The first night, we came home, he did not sleep." Tonks explains trying to morph the silent tears away.

"Dora, it is fine to be upset. It is fine to cry. I can not imagine what you saw or what you have seen. What you are going through." Ted comments wrapping his arms around her as she cries into his arms.

Andromeda hating to see her daughter like this all embraces her daughter over Ted's arms "We will check in on him during the day. I know how hard it will be not knowing. We will send you updates if anything happens." After both Andromeda and Ted disentangle themselves from their daughter, Andromeda continues, "What did Dumbledore mean by ' I believe he wants more?' "

"From what he had in his pockets," Tonks answers breathing heavily trying not to think of the image of his body lying there on the ground. "He was found with the necklace I told him to take and his mother's engagement ring, among other things. "

Andromeda had a feeling she knew what that meant but did not voice her thoughts. She had a feeling that he was going to ask Nymphadora to marry him. "I need to focus on him and only him. Nothing else."

"When was he discovered?" Andromeda asks hoping she is not overstepping her boundaries

"About a week and a half ago," Tonks answers, closing her eyes at the memory as a single tear falls down her cheek. Hoping that her mother and father would not put two and two together. That night, why she suddenly left dinner. If they had, they did not express it.

"What do your father and I need to know to care for him while you are away?" Andromeda questions attempting to focus the conversation.

"You are both healers, it is pretty much self-explanatory from what you saw in the kitchen," Tonks answers, shaking her head so her hair is now purple hue.

"Why don't I suggest that this conversation about wanting Remus to talk be brought up another day. He clearly is not in the right mind set at the moment. Plus with these potions he has taken. Ted suggests hoping to cheer up his only daughter

Walking back in, Tonks eyes Mad-Eye still sitting in the corner chair mumbling something about paperwork.

"Ah Nymphadora, we were just discussing our corporeal patronus' , weren't we Alastair?" Dumbledore begins glancing towards Moody "As you may know when one endures an emotional upheaval, a life changing shock, it can change. Mine is a phoenix at one point in my life it was an albatross.

"I never will reveal mine." grunts Mad-Eye his magical eye scanning the room.

"Of course you won't" Tonks shakes her head. "You know some people would call you paranoid?"

Mad- Eye grunts again "Constant Vigilance"

Attempting to sit up, Remus quietly requests "Dora, do we have any more of those pain potions that the medi- witch mentioned?"

Walking to the kitchen pulling out the aqua blue vial "it needs to be mixed with food. Think you can stomach some toast or pudding?"

"I'll do toast for now," Remus answers quietly.

"I think it would be in everyone's interest if we table this discussion for another day. Give Remus some rest." Ted suggests eyeing both Dumbledore and Mad-Eye.

"I think that is best. It is getting late" Dumbledore replies.

Andromeda busies herself in the kitchen making Remus and Tonks some toast. She always hated not keeping herself busy. She loved keeping her hands busy.

After Dumbledore and Moody left, Tonks sat down across from Remus "I talked to Mum and Dad. They have agreed to take care of you when I'm at work." Brushing back her still purple hair, she continues "I know you are an adult and do not need to have someone take care of you as if you are a child. It will just be checking in on you, taking you to your appointments until I can get there. Kingsley has agreed that he will cover from me during your appointment times."

"Tonks, you know I can take care of myself. I have been taking care of myself for longer than you have been alive" Remus replies not intending to hurt her.

"Well, I am not going to let you just fall back into your depressive state. I am not going to force you but I am going to be here every step of the way" Tonks reiterates. They had this conversation when Tonks had brought up asking her parents.

"I'm going up to bed," Remus mutters attempting to get up without any pain. Biting on his piece of toast Andromeda had given him to hide the wince of pain.

"Why do you have to be so stubborn, Remus?" Tonks asks no one in particular, walking towards Remus to help him up the stairs.

Once upstairs Tonks' asks at the threshold of the door to his room, "Do you need me to get you anything before you tuck in for the night?"

Remus props his hand up against his head, "Dora?"

Looking back at him, expecting a request for a sleeping draught or a second pillow. "Can you stay? Lay with me?"

"Of course, Rem" Tonks answers moving back towards the other side of the bed. Laying down beside him, turning her head to face him. Brushing his hair out of his face, "I always will. Never doubt that."


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go lovelies :) Thank you so much for your patience.

Tonks had been back at work for two days. “Lass, you are a mess.”

“Thanks, Moody. Glad to be back” Tonks rolls her eyes at him. 

“I didn’t come out of retirement for you to end up like every other Auror in this department. I know you are worried about him, lass but you can’t focus on that right now. If you make one wrong move, it could affect your life.” Moody continues as his magical eye whirls around. 

She knew she had not been herself. She could not stop worrying about Remus. “Can I send a Patronus to my parents? Check on him.”

Moody grunts. Figuring that was a yes, she walks out of the office. Sending the Patronus asking how he was and to send an owl in response. She walks back inside. Warning to Moody, she utters “Umbridge is coming this way” 

Hearing the heels of the woman Tonks dreaded knowing that she will want to talk to her or Moody about the raid on the underground. Somehow it had gotten out that the Order had raided a werewolf underground. That known death eaters were present and none had been captured. That, someone, was rescued. Tonks knew this would come to haunt her, but she also knew that she needed to keep Remus safe from scrutiny. 

“Ms. Tonks, may I speak with you,” Umbridge asks with a fake smile as Tonks looks up to see Dolores Umbridge in all her pink glory glaring at the metamorphmagus. 

“Of course, can it wait till I am done with this report?” Tonks asks as sweetly as she can muster meeting those dark almost black eyes. Refusing to let Umbridge’s intimating tactics get to her. She knew how people like Umbridge worked. Her entire Mum’s side of the family was like this. Intimidation tactics to get what they wanted and when those didn’t work, they mark you as a blood traitor, then if the embarrassment of being labeled a blood traitor wasn’t enough, they would torture you or even worse kill you. 

“Of course, Nymphadora. I will be in my office.” Umbridge answers trying to get under Tonks’ skin having heard that she dislikes her first name. 

“I will be there in about five minutes,” Tonks announces trying her best to morph her hair in anger. 

After Umbridge had left the office, Tonks crosses her arms and slouches in her chair “Moody, do I have to go talk to her? I am waiting on the owl from my Mum, can I feign ill.” 

“If you do not have that little chat with her. She will keep coming around. I suspect she will want to interview both Kingsley and me also.” Moody answers sighing. He knew it would be trouble but Remus was one of the best men Moody knew. As much as he didn’t want to admit it, he knew Nymphadora would never be the same if something had happened to Remus. Part of her would have died if Remus would not have made it out of there.

“Wish me luck. Rescue me if my interview goes too long” Tonks asks, putting quotation marks with her fingers when she said the word interview walking out of the room. 

Inhaling, she knocks on Umbridge’s door as a voice behind the door expresses that she may enter.

“Nymphadora Tonks” Umbridge announces behind her desk. Her office is adorned with cat cutlery hanging on the walls. Tonks had a feeling that each plate had another plate and the cats could spy. She made a mental note to check the Auror office for a cat picture. 

“Yes, that would be my name,” Tonks answers letting Umbridge know that she did want to be here. 

“Ms. Tonks, if you would be so kind to sit down,” Umbridge asks, gesturing to the chair in front of her desk. 

“Undersecretary Umbridge, I have very important work to do as Kingsley is away. The Auror office is down a man and must compensate for this.” Tonks glanced at the chair as if she was concerned that it would swallow her if she sat down. 

“I am aware of Mr. Shacklebolt’s absence and understand that. However, the raid on the werewolf camp was in no way done through proper ministry authorization and that needs to be investigated as to why. It seems you, Mr. Arthur Weasley, and Mr. Kingsley Shacklebolt did not go through proper channels and alert the Department of Magical Creatures so that both Aurors’ and WCU members were at the camp.”

“It was a spur of the moment event and the Auror department is rectifying this” Tonks answers. She knew whoever let it slip about the extraction, did not intend for non-Order members to hear. 

“It does not seem to me that it was a spur of the moment plan as it seems like it was a well-thought-out plan.” Umbridge elaborates as she pulls out a piece of parchment where Tonks’ plans for extraction were set out.

“What is this?” Tonks asks in confusion. She did not know how Umbridge got this nor does she know where she got this. After it was revealed to everyone at the Order meeting that night before Remus left, she had destroyed the plan. 

“It seems that someone was careless.” Umbridge smiles as she stamps a sheet with Tonks’ name on it. “As of the beginning of this interview, you are under investigation by the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. As of now, you are under suspension.” 

“ I do not believe you have asked me any specific questions about the raid that night,” Tonks utters in disbelief. 

“I do not believe those are important. You were at an unauthorized extraction from a werewolf camp. As a ministry employee, that deems an investigation. I see no reason to ask any questions.” Umbridge answers. “You may leave now and you can send Mr. Weasley in.”

What have I done? Tonks admits as she looks towards Arthur at the door outside. Both Kingsley and Arthur had families to care for. 

“How’d it go?” Arthur asks his eyes searching hers trying to assess the situation. 

“She knows. Somehow she knows about the extraction raid.” Tonks whispers to him. 

“I assumed much. She mentioned it at the meeting this morning about having to deal with it to someone and I heard it in passing. Kingsley and I can take care of ourselves though. Just focus on him. We’ll take care of Umbridge.” Arthur smiles honestly. 

“You’ll be put under investigation. You’ll be suspended until the investigation is over. You and Kingsley have families to take care of.” Tonks admits trying her best to hold it together. 

“We’ll be fine, Tonks. This is not our first rodeo, as the Muggles say” Arthur points out motioning towards Umbridge’s office. “I better get this over with.” 

Tonks wordlessly nods, still feeling guilty as she walks down the corridor back to her cubicle. 

“Lass, your Mum owled you back” Moody began looking solemnly at her. 

Nymphadora,

We all know how stubborn Remus can be. Do you not worry, I have everything under control. Molly sent me an owl. You reply as soon as you read this Nymphadora.” 

Mum

Her bubblegum pink her flashing red, muttering, “that is not an answer, Mum.”

“I’ll let Robbards know you left early,” Moody answers already knowing she will not get any work done. 

“No, I can’t let Umbridge know anything else,” Tonks responds with a frustrated expression on her face. 

“What happened, Lass?” Moody asks getting up and walking over leaning heavily on his walking stick. Pointing his wand towards the door. 

“Um, she knows about the raid. That Kingsley and I were involved.” Tonks admits concern lacing her features. 

“But she doesn’t know it was for him, correct?” Moody further asks leaning towards her. 

“She knows a werewolf was extracted but not who specifically. At least I don’t know. I’m under investigation due to an unapproved ministry raid on a werewolf camp. Along with Arthur and Kingsley. As far as I know, she does not know anything else except Umbridge somehow got the plan coordinates for the raid.” 

“We have a mole then” Moody assumes walking back to his desk. 

“Or someone at the werewolf camp is on Umbridge’s payroll” Tonks suggests as an alternative. That was most likely the theory. She could not think of anyone in the Order other than maybe Snape, who could be a mole. She suspected Snape was working both sides. He used to be a Death Eater after all. “Greyback and others were there. Getting into the good graces of the woman who created anti-werewolf legislation would only better their position if Voldemort wins.” 

Moody huffs walking back to his seat “Maybe. Don’t say his name, it might be jinxed again.” 

Tonks shakes her head. She never thought addressing Voldemort by anything other than his actual name, was ever a good idea. She knew that during the first wizarding war, his name had been jinxed and anyone who said his name, death eaters appeared. 

“Come up with an excuse to go home.” Moody adds, not looking up from his desk “You are no use to me right now.” 

“Let me know of any updates, won’t you? ” Tonks glances at him, conceding, grabbing her bag and walking towards the lifts down to the atrium.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It feels like it has been forever. I am back though and I hope you all have not given up on this story. This chapter is referencing the Remadora file photos. I tried to do them justice.

“Umbridge has you and Lupin under surveillance. She has for a while now from what I can understand, at least based on the pictures. ” Moody begins eying the file still in his hands. 

Dropping some files on the table as Tonks looks through them. “Only us?” 

“She has a file on Kingsley, Arthur, and myself also. Anyone who she feels has any affiliation with Dumbledore and is also a Ministry employee.” Moody continues watching as Tonks views all the notes and photos in Lupin’s file. 

“Why is this photo only in Remus’ file and not in mine?” Tonks points out holding up one of the photos. 

“I do not know.” Moody answers honestly looking at the photo Tonks was holding, with his left eye. 

“This is when we first started dating.” Tonks continues putting the photo back in the file “How did you get these?” 

“Magically made copies while she was in a meeting,” Mad-Eye mutters. 

“It has nothing to do with a group of Aurors infiltrating a werewolf camp, does it? It has everything to do with that now she suspects my relationship with Remus, isn’t it?” Tonks asks out loud. Not to anyone in particular. 

“I believe so, lass” Mad-Eye answers uncharacteristically sadly. “It’s not fair.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter. They can torture me for all I care.” Tonks finalizes. 

“What are they torturing you about?” both turn around at Remus’ voice. Standing there fully dressed, still looking sickly. His eyes had bags under them and he looked like a ghost. 

“They could torture me about my Order involvement.” Tonks smiles walking up to Remus and kissing him on the cheek. 

“You are not telling me something but I’ll let it slide” Remus smiles, then frowns as Tonks leads him to her red chair. “Dora, I’m fine. I feel fine.”

“You might not later. You need to rest. Tonks answers knowing that with the full moon happening within 24 hours, he would need all the rest he could get. 

Remus grimaces knowing she is right. “Hand me those files you are trying to hide, also?” 

Tonks looks towards Mad-Eye as Mad-Eye hands her the folders. “You are not gonna like it. Plus we need to talk about something.”  
Looking at the folders labeled, Lupin, R, and Tonks, N looking through the second folder “Is this what I think they are?”

Tonks shakes her head “Yes, they have been tracking anyone who is affiliated with Dumbledore but also works at the Ministry” 

“I don’t care about my file. I’ve always suspected I was being tracked. Being in the Werewolf Registry and all. It’s more of you being tracked now, I'm more concerned with. ” Remus answers, trying his best to keep his temper in check as he looks down at the report that is on the first page. He felt slightly responsible for the file label Tonks until he sees the picture that accompanied the report. 

“Rem, do not be angry. I knew when I signed up for the Order what I was getting myself into. I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.” Tonks replies, crossing her arms. “ 

Looking down at the file, glancing at the picture again. Throwing the files to the ground, getting up from the chair moving his hands to his head “No, Dora.” 

“Try to breathe, Remus” Tonks requests, grabbing him by the arm. Knowing the signs. Knowing that look in his eyes. Looking towards Moody, he silently walks out of the room. Something triggered him. A thought. A memory. Something in her file. She had a feeling she knew what he had come across. Of course, if the Ministry knew about the raid, then had to have known about her unofficial investigation into the werewolf camp. 

“Look at me Remus” Tonks continues as he breathes in gasps of air still holding his arm and his left hand. “You are not there. You are safe.”

“No, you are an illusion. You are not real. You can’t be” Remus counters turning the other way towards the fireplace. 

“Remus, I promise I am real” Tonks answers trying to figure out a way to let him know she is real without touching his face. 

“They told me you died” Remus explains on the verge of tears turning back towards her with that look of terror in his eyes, “but here you are?” 

“Remus John Lupin, I am fully alive. You are standing in your house. Smell the candles that are burning. Feel the softness of your old couch. Feel my cheek. Hear the breeze of the open window.” Tonks reiterates guiding his hand to her heart “You are alive. I am alive. Feel the beating of my heart.” 

Remus’ eyes go wide with horror. The embarrassment of what just happened. “Dora, they told me you died. They told me you had died fighting a death eater at Hogwarts.” 

“Can I hug you?” Tonks asks, wanting to know if he was okay with her touching him. He nods as Tonks wraps her arms around him. “It was not true. I am right here. I’ll be here forever.” 

Clinging to her, as silent tears stream down his face. Part of him is relieved that he is safe. That he is not there, in that hellhole of a place. The other half is embarrassed he let anyone, most of all her, see him like this. He told himself that he would never break down, that he would be strong for her. She was the only person he had left to live for. 

“Please don’t make promises you can’t keep?” Remus breathes picking up her fallen file and his, placing them on the table, walking through the back door into the night he whispers “I need to be alone.”

Sitting outside on the bench, near the old garden, he looks up towards the stars. Realizing he needed to talk to him. He knew he would most likely not be listening but he needed to talk to someone. “Sirius, I know you most likely can not hear me but I’m going to pretend for a moment, that you are here. I know it's childish.” 

Closing his eyes and breathing in and out he begins to just talk “Sirius, you were the person that I could go to when things got tough. I wish you were still here. You always knew when something was wrong. Something's wrong. Something is very wrong. They fucked with my head. They fucked it real bad and I don’t know how to fix it. I’m having nightmares. I’m back there in that hellhole. They knew who I was as soon as I entered the camp. They knew what I was there for. I don’t think the others in the camp knew but the leaders knew. Greyback knew as soon as he set eyes on me. I thought I had a foolproof plan, but I was wrong.” 

He stands up, trying to breathe slowly as he continues to explain to the stars. An onlooker would have thought he was crazy, talking to himself. “It was after a full moon, I was with my bunkmates, then all of a sudden I was in a poorly dug up room, I felt the rough rope on my wrists. I could tell that I had been trying to subconsciously undo the constraints, as my wrists felt raw. I was weak from the transformation. That is probably why they were able to constrain me. It seemed like they took turns, beating me till I was black and blue. They fed me bread and water, just enough to keep me alive but not enough to keep my strength up. I fell in and out of consciousness for the first couple of days. I only realized that Greyback came once a day, later on. That’s how I began to count the days, based on my tormentor's presence.” 

He did not know how long he had been talking to the stars but eventually, Tonks walks out with a cup of tea “Wotcher? I know you wanted to be alone, it’s just...it’s getting rather nippy out.” He attempts a smile and takes the cup she is offering him, takes a sip. Glancing towards her, “Thank you.”

“Of course. Take all the time you need. Just try not to stay out here all night, okay?” Tonks answers, smiling sadly walking back to the house. 

“Dora, would you stay? I know I said that I wanted to be alone but I don’t know if I can do this alone.” Remus admits wholeheartedly. 

Tonks blinks trying to find the right response before holding out her hand “You are not alone in any of this. I will be here. I will always be here.” 

Remus pulls her into a hug and rests his forehead on hers “I know but sometimes I can’t fight it.” 

“That is okay, Rem. Sometimes it will be too much to fight it. We will both be here to pick up the pieces.”

“Both?” Remus questions. 

“Me and the stars” Tonks whispers hoping she did not overstep a boundary by listening to his conversation with Sirius. She knew how much he cared for Sirius. She did want to take that away from him. Not having seen him this vulnerable since the night of the raid, he falls back into her arms. Silent tears fall on both of their faces as they embrace each other. Both grieving for Sirius but also the first step in his healing process.


End file.
